The Birds and the Bees
by Stark-San
Summary: A responce to a request from a certain site a few years ago. You know who you are. Isaac has found himself in a most uncomfortable position with Miria-having to explain to her what exactly it is that a man and woman do together. Hilarity ensues.


The Birds and the Bees

The magazine section of the bookstore was always a good place to duck into and hide as needed. Isaac and Miria were there, peering wide eyed over the shelves and out the window and the rain that was falling in torrents.

"Nee nee, Isaac," Miria said, tugging at her partner's sleeve.

"What is it, Miria?"

A magazine was brandished in front of Isaac; on its cover was a nude woman seductively staring back at him. "What is this 'porn' that they are talking about?"

Isaac thought about it for a second. "Well, "He began, "Porn is what happens when people make videos of people having sex, Miria."

Realization dawned on her face. "Ooooh. So it's like those tapes that get spread around with celebrities being naughty in hotels?"

The phenomena of celebrities and their sex tapes were always baffling to Isaac. Why was even the thought of two people having sex such a problem? "Not really Miria. Those tapes are made to cause problems. Porn is something that has to be _enjoyed_."

"I see, I see." Miria nodded eagerly, but paused a second later. "Nee, Isaac?"

"What is it, Miria?"

"What's 'sex'?"

Isaac thought about it for a second. He stared back at Miria, mirroring the perplexity he saw on her face. "I don't know, Miria. What is sex?"

The two thieves stared at each other, and at the magazine that Miria was still holding.

Realistically, Isaac knew the mechanics and purpose of sex. Hell, he had even tried it a time or two. He just wasn't too keen on the idea of having sex with Miria. Yes, they were close. Yes, they were with each other every hour of every day. But, fucking your best friend was like fucking your brother or sister. At least, that was what Isaac feared.

Thus, when the two of them were standing in the 'naughty' section of the only costume store that was open in the middle of spring for miles around, armed with only their hands, wits, and the 'naughty' magazine Miria had swiped from the book store, Isaac had to fight his growing sense of foreboding.

Miria, on the other hand, appeared to be enjoying every second of the current exploration. She flounced out of the dressing room in a tight white dress and heels, a la Marilyn Monroe, all smiles and glitter and curls. "Is this sexy, Isaac?" she giggled, leaning forward slightly.

Isaac felt his pants grow tight at the sight of her barely covered cleavage. "It's very nice," He said, looking away and blushing as he spoke.

'SUGOI!" Miria squealed, jumping in the air without thinking that the skirt wouldn't cover her panties. They were white with pink polka dots.

Fortunately, Isaac had tissues in his pocket to cover for his sudden nosebleed. "Nee, Miria? Is this all right for your investigation?"

"It's great, Isaac" She said with a smile as wide as the sky, "It's really fun!"

_Later that night, in a cheap hotel…_

Miria and Isaac were huddled together on the bed, staring at the magazine that had started the entire escapade. Miria, still dressed as Marilyn Monroe (they had snuck out through the back of the costume shop) had her knees drawn up underneath her and a look of consternation on her face.

"Nee, Isaac?"

"What is it, Miria?" Isaac emerged from the tiny bathroom, having changed into a dapper pinstripe suit and tie for the evening. Miria had wanted them to dress up and, reservations aside, Isaac was not one to turn down a chance at having fun.

"How do the man's parts fit into the lady's parts? It looks kinda big…"

"When a man and a woman love each other, anything is possible!"

Miria stared at Isaac, eyes shining in amazement. "Wow, you really are smart, Isaac!"

"Anything for you, my dear Miria."

She returned to her intense study of the magazine, and then turned to Isaac. "It looks like we have to take our clothes off," She said, "Only, we have to take each other's clothes off…"

Isaac sat himself crosslegged on the bed, studying the magazine too. "Who should go first then, Miria?"

"Ehh…it looks like the man undresses the lady first. So…" She scooted closer to Isaac, her back facing him, "Could you unzip me?"

"Of course!"

Isaac obeyed her request, and pulled away as she shrugged the dress off of her shoulders and tossed it to the ground. She turned around again, and crossed her arms as she studied Isaac intently, unaware that she had drawn attention to her breasts in the process. "Now, I think I have to undress you."

She leaned forward, hands first reaching for the tie. Once his jacket, shirt, belt and pants were divested, the two sat on the bed in their underwear staring at each other.

"Nee, Isaac?"

"What is it, Miria?"

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know Miria. What do we do?"

"Ehh…" Miria's eyes wandered to the magazine still laying on the bed. "It still looks too big to fit into my lady parts…"

Isaac thought about it for a moment, and grinned. "Nee, Miria? Maybe if we just sleep under the covers like this, it will be the same as having sex! After all, when a man and a woman have sex, they sleep in the bed together afterward, so in sleeping together we will have had sex!"

"That's a great idea, Isaac!" Miria squealed, and flew at him in a hug. "I knew we would figure out something!"

Isaac wrapped his arms around Miria and pulled the two of them down on top of the covers. Miria giggled. "No, silly! We have to be _under_ the covers!"

"Oh," Isaac grinned. "My mistake then." He lifted her in the air and rolled the two of them into the blankets, so that they were cocooned in the nubby hotel bedding.

Miria giggled again. "Now we're a French crepe, like they sell at the fairs!"

"Ah, but we are still _under_ the covers, aren't we Miria?"

"You're right; we are still under the covers." Miria reached over him and yanked the chain on the lamp. Her shining smile was the last thing Isaac saw before they were plunged into darkness.


End file.
